Letters to the Editor

Upon returning from my jaunt to the Philippines I found my mailbox inundated with letters to the editor (read: me). Before I regale you with colorful accounts of my adventure, let me take the time to answer a few of them.

Dear Clint,

I have noticed that you have not blogged recently. I am starting to become worried. I noticed in your last post you mentioned traveling to the Philippines. I hope you did not meet with any unfortunate circumstances. Did you go to Mindanao? As you know there are insurgents there with a fond predilection for kidnapping and beheading American tourists. I hope you are well.

Worried About You,
Portland, Oregon



Dear WAY,

No need to be alarmed. I am safe and sound, back in the cozy confines of my Hong Kong digs. I appreciate your concern for my well-being and safety. I was well aware of the dangers of Mindanao, so on this trip I managed to stay well north of the aforementioned area. However, if I ever find myself back in the Philippines, I might just take a visit there anyway, because the thing is this; I don't look like an American.

I spent the majority of my trip convincing people I was in fact a Pinoy. It was quite easy too. You see, my skin color is darker than most people from the Philippines. Plus, I have an understanding of Philippine geography. In other words, I know more than Manila and Cebu. So if anyone asked me where I was from, I would say Vigan, or Puerta Princesa, or General Santos City. Plus, I would name-drop all the Pinoy boxers I knew (Manny Pacquaio, Rey Bautista, Z Gorres, Nonito Donaire, Gerry Peñalosa, just to name a few). If all else failed, I would speak a few words of mangled Spanish, which sounds close enough to Tagalog for it to be effective.

There you have it. That is how I managed to survive my trip unscathed, and how I would succeed in the future if any problems arose. By the way, Filipino people are completely lovely and gracious.

All the best,
Clint


Dear Clint,

I have been reading your blog faithfully for 3 months now. I have a serious question for you. Will you father my child?

Yvonne,
Copenhagen, Denmark



Dear Yvonne,

I regret to inform you that at this stage in my life that is just not possible. I am happily content with being selfish and taking care of myself and have many more things I would like to do before I rear the cutest and smartest little tyke ever.

Thank you for your kind offer.

All the best,
Clint